Friday, May 06, 2005

In A Haze

Of late I have been wandering around in an almost complete daze. It is due, I suppose, to the combination of an awful allergy season and the uncertainty of life.

Not that life is ever really that uncertain. I dislike uncertainty--try to avoid it at all costs. I like to know, to be sure of what is going on around me. What has happened, what will happen, and what is happening. Not knowing makes me self conscious and shy. I prefer to be confident and gregarious. At the source:

Soon I will be moving home for several months. I look forward to this change of pace a great deal. However, at this point it has been so long since I've actually lived there that it has morphed into a situation that is "new", so to speak. I'm nervous about what will go on while I'm there. Who will I hang out with? What will I deem "fun"? All of that sort of stuff. It should be a good time, no doubt, but right now it is just a looming bump in the otherwise uninterrupted normalcy of my life.

For the past four years my life has gone Spring: done skiing go golfing finish school, Summer: take some school work at golf course drink too much, Autumn: stop golfing start thinking about skiing go back to school, Winter: ski too much work too much drink too much study too much stress out. That's it. Every year I have known what was coming next...or at least what was supposed to come next. This year there is a monkey wrench in the works and it is creating excitement. I'm not sure that I like excitement.

I've grown complacent in life. I'm comfortably in a rut. I live in a town of roughly 36,000 people, two thirds of whom I either do not know or do not care for. As for the other third, they are good people. There's a nice, familial, feel to knowing the people in your neighborhood. But, it does breed inaction. When everything is good and comfortable a person is generally loathe to change it. Perhaps this is why I have thrown myself a curve ball this summer. I have no doubts that everything (both with this summer, and with life in general) will turn out for the better.

The other problem is a lack of people in my life, currently, who are okay with doing nothing, all day long. Perhaps it is a symptom of growing older, but it seems that everyone is just too busy these days. There was a time when there were people whom you did stuff with. It didn't matter what you did as long as the people you were doing it with were fun. Those days seem to have gone by the wayside. I know that at this point I have stopped flogging the dead horse and am now kicking it in the teeth and giving it an elbow drop, but could it be that what I want most from a woman--from a girlfriend--is someone who just wants to hang out with me all the time, and who I likewise want to spend time with. It doesn't matter if you're going shopping at Wal-Mart at three in the morning, or just wandering around the town for shits and giggles, it's nice to have someone along with a good sense of humor. But alas I have digressed. I'm done now. Check back later for more.

-A.R. Leith

Two Quotes to End it:
"Assign me to a nice she can ruin me, eternally."- Jawbreaker

"There's no telling what you can learn, by taking your pants off."- !!!


Princess said...


A. R. Leith said...

Well if I used it already, then maybe I like it...and mean it. How's about that?