Wednesday, July 20, 2011

18 (or so) Questions I Have After Seeing the Last Harry Potter Movie

1. How is it that Hermione didn't end up as a professor at Hogwarts? It seems right up her alley.
1b. In fact why are none of them employed at the school?
1c. The "greatest wizard in the world" isn't a shoe-in for the Headmaster job? (Or at least Defense Against the Dark Arts?)
1d. If they don't work at the wizard school, what do all these witches and wizards do when there isn't a war on? Are they all baristas and bookstore clerks?
2. So, Snape is Harry's real dad?
3. Also, isn't it a bit convenient that the bad guy's right-hand-man has dedicated his life to protecting the hero?
4. Why didn't Harry die when Voldemort shot him with his wand-laser?
5. If you can just "decide" that you don't want to be dead and come back, why isn't everyone doing it?
5b. I mean, if the most powerful evil wizard kills you, shouldn't you stay dead?
5c. If not, how is he really SO powerful? (Assuming he wasn't using the "Only-kill-the-little-bit-of-me-that-is-inside-this-boy" spell--which, who would even practice that enough to know it well just in case it came in handy?)
6. What's with all the running, wizards can fly, right? (I'd be the laziest wizard ever...)
7. Can wizards get drunk? (I just see "19 Years Later" Ron sitting at a bar a little shitty waving a wand around yelling "Expectum Coronas!")
8. Ron really let himself go, didn't he?
9. Did Malfoy end up being kind of a good guy, or just not a very good bad guy?
10. There were owls at the end of the movie. I thought they killed all the magic owls in DHP1, didn't they?
11. Shouldn't the last movie have been called Neville Longbottom and the Time He Saved Everyone's Asses?
12. Is there a wizard college, because there is no way you're getting through Cambridge just knowing spells and enchantments? You've got to know some math and composition and stuff, right?
12b. Or can wizards just "wand-whip" themselves up a diploma so they can get a job in the private sector?
13. If Dumbledore had possession of all the things that made up the "Deathly Hallows" does that mean that he is Death?
13b. If he is not, how did he get them away from Death?
14. It was obvious to everybody that the other Dumbledore brother was still Michael Gambon, right?
15. Why don't we think it is weird that both girls who played Nanny McPhee are in this movie?
16. Are all British movies not directed by Guy Richie (And hey, some that are directed by him...) about magic now?
13c. (I forgot something) Couldn't Dumbledore have figured out a way to get all this done without having to die? It just doesn't seem that bright, is all.
13d. (sorry for encroaching like this #16) Like, what about just giving the wand and all the other junk to Harry, and telling him where all the stuff was to destroy?
17. I'll bet Voldemort snores a ton, on account of the messed up nose, wouldn't you think?
18. Why don't they mention the Potters' other son who is going off to school at the end of the movie?
18b. At what age do kids go off to Hogwarts, again?
18c. Because I thought it was like age 10 or 13 or something, but that means that Harry and Jenny waited almost a decade to start having kids...what were they doing all that time? (Which brings up a whole slew of questions about wizard procreation that I'm not even going to get into, because I had a tough enough time with the details of "The Golden Compass" to even mess with this.

Alright, those are the questions I can think of now, so please let me know if you are able to answer some or all of them. K THX BYE.

-A.R. Leith

Friday, June 10, 2011


Okay, I just wanted to get this off my chest (and I wanted to start writing again, so lookout birds, right!?).

Yesterday evening, I came across an article while checking news feeds and found something interesting/disturbing. But maybe not disturbing for the same reasons it disturbs you or, apparently, others. (Here is a link to the article: Tracy Morgan via Metafilter)

Here's the deal: This guy says some stuff in his comedy routine that other people find offensive. Was it outlandish? Yes. Was it provocative? You bet. Was it true? Who knows. Foolish? Absolutely! The bottom line is that it was in a COMEDY ROUTINE, so we don't even really know if he meant it. On top of that, it was his opinion, so who is anybody else to say he cannot hold it.

The reason I am peeved about the whole thing is that after he said it some political action group starts calling for him to be fired for his other job because of the opinion he expressed. My question is this: Is it not within every Americans' right to hold--and even express--whatever opinion they choose? I was under the impression (mostly because of social studies class) that being able to think and express whatever silly thing you wanted was one of the great freedoms of this country. There are people out there who believe that all thought and speech should conform to the sensibilities of what most people want. These are the people who would have you punished either legally or financially for disagreeing with them. I believe these people to be small-minded bigots.

When it comes down to it, I guess the question I think we should be asking about this is: What if a person could get fired from a job every time they said something that someone else disagreed with--at any time and anywhere, not just while they were at that job? What would happen to unemployment rates in this country? Should I start calling for people, like those trying to punish a comedian for stating an opinion, to be deported to a country where they can enforce their will on others because I do not agree with what they are saying? According to the logic they seem to be using, if they are using any at all, I get to call for them to face hardships if they say something that I disagree with.

That is not what I am going to do, because I believe in a free America. Even if a truly free United States is just a concept that has probably never been truly realized, I can still hope that someday we will make it a real place to live, right?

-A. Leith

p.s.- USA! USA! USA!