So lately I have songs stuck in my head. Okay, I shouldn't qualify that with "lately"...I always have songs stuck in my head. The weird part is that all the songs that have been stuck in there lately are about how bad the world sucks. You know, war, pestilence, girls, plagues, parents, and the man--they're all down on us, and with no good reason...man!
So yeah, Propagandhi, the angry half of Lawrence Arms songs, the Broadways, all of it. Constantly running through my head. But here's the odd bit, I'm happier lately than before. I certainly don't get it. Not even a little bit. But I worry about the people around me...and I'm going to tell you why:Most of the time I kind of wonder if people are thinking objectively and critically around me. I know, I know there are supposed to be emotions involved in every day life. But what if I'm not emoting properly. "What if this crazy world thinks I'm the one who's crazy...I'm not crazy, just frustrated." I find myself, more often than not, making decisions about life from a more objective and less emotional standpoint. For example, when it comes to love and dating I tend to think about it in terms of: How will this person look in 20 years? What would our kids look like? And most importantly- Can I stand to hang out with this person for the rest of my life? While it seems to me that others are thinking about how "hott" said person is, and how badly they "want" them. I'm worried about being able to provide for another person, or several people. Maybe my heart is--like the grinch--several sizes too small.
I have recently established five categories that I think should be fulfilled on some level by a person that I would like to date. She should be 1. Funny, 2. Stylish, 3. Crass, 4. Intelligent, and 5. viewed by me as being cute. (By the by, being cute is way better than being hott. It's not my rule, look it up. The difference being that someone who is cute is not generally overly concerned with their looks, where a person who is hott generally only has that going for them. How rare is it that you find an out of hand "hott" girl that actually has something to say? It just doesn't happen. The end result is that, while the prospect of being with such a person is initially tantalizing, in the end they become boring and un-fun. And you have to deal with that, because you were hung up on looks, so there. I hope you have kids together.)
These five simple ideas are weird, no? Not weird in and of themselves, but weird in that I have met only a handful of women in my life--short though it has been, thus far--that have met all five of the categories. It gets a lad to thinking...Maybe the problem is with me? Am I too hard to please? Too picky? Is it irresponsible of me to want to be with someone who makes me laugh instead of just laughing at things I say?
These are the ponderences that have ruled my mind lately. Oh, that and I've started to re-read the first several "Get Your War On" cartoon strips and can't help but wonder how anyone can think that genocide is okay, even if it is in the name of "freedom". First of all, people should be on their own to better their situation. We, as a nation, are not fucking babysitters. It's like if your dad beats up the bully for you at school...everyone just makes more fun of you, and things are worse than before. So that sucks even worse. True revolution comes from within. Things won't get better for anyone unless they change it for themselves. Meanwhile I'm praying (read "hoping" because what is the point of praying? If god is omnipresent he/she/it will already know what I want.) that Iraq becomes a Theocracy and the Arab community goes on hating us for being intrusive dicks until they kill enough white people that Americans figure out that maybe they don't want us there. Right now we're pretty much sticking our hand into a bee hive to steal the honey and wondering why we keep getting stung. Rats with a feeder bar have a better learning curve than most Americans right now.
Okay, that's it. I've vented it. Although I still get sad every time I think about being silenced when I try to talk politics with my family. Blah. It's out there. Think about it. Make your own thoughts on it. Whoop (is it there?)
-A.R. Leith
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