Wednesday, February 16, 2005

Is this really necessary?

Okay, I am going to try and keep this here post short and sweet (hopefully) because I've got a lot to do today. Errands must be run, naps must be taken, and I've got to go to new mexico today. Also, I am trying to resist the urge to talk about myself too much, as I think you already know too much about me thanks to this blog business, and I'm sure you don't want to hear me whine...about myself anyway.

On to the crux!!

What is the deal with these ads? I understand that pharmaceuticals are big business and there are a lot of Americans out there who may or may not need help. In order to make money you have to spend money, in this case on advertising. HOWEVER...and this is a big "however"...there are two ads that just should not be on television.

First, the attractive people telling me about their herpes simplex B or what have you? How much are they paying these actors to have the world suspect their sexual health. Nevermind the word on the street that something like 75% of Americans have some form of Herpes or another. (If you've ever had so much as a cold sore, you probably have herpes.) The fact is I do not need to hear about the problem in others. If people even so much as suspect that they have this little humdinger of a lingerer they should go immediately to their doctor and have it checked out. If that doesn't even occur to you I don't think an ad telling you about a treatment is going to make you want to get better.

The next set of ads--a constant source of mirth in my house when they come on--are those dealing with a "lack of bladder control*" (to put it delicately). I cannot fathom the person that hears the line "I can't believe I'm even talking about this, but, sometimes I don't make it to the bathroom on time." and says "ME TOO", like they haven't noticed the puddles around the house until this exact moment in time when the ad came on and they started to consider the notion that it might not "just be condensation". This seems like a problem I would have looked into long before there was an ad on TV. And yet, here I am, enjoying my lunch and listening to grown women (and yes, these ads do primarily feature women--possibly because of their strange opposition to peeing outdoors or in the kitchen sink.) tell me about having problems wetting themselves. The situation is palpably uncomfortable, to say the least.

Other Opinions on the Matter
Contrary to what you might have heard/assumed, I do sometimes listen to what other people are saying. Here are some examples:

Roomate M- Says that "trying to hold in urine for long periods in your youth can lead to lack of bladder control in your later years. So not only was that road trip across the U.S. that your folks took you on as a kid "informational" and "fun", but it was also potentially damaging to your urinary tract. So thank your father again for not pulling over when you 'had to go real bad'".

Roomate B- In a somewhat more cruel statement, says, "I'm going to have to do something about this before I get to pre-school."

I like both things, one because it furthered my knowledge (sort of) and the other because it was abjectly cruel and therefore made me laugh. It bears noting that I think it's fine to laugh at people if they are not around to hear you...and sometimes even if they are. The long and the short of it is that I do not want to hear about uncomfortable things about other people's biology on the television. If this sort of jellydicking continues I may be forced to create my own infomercial on "The Joy and Satisfaction of Lancing" in which I show people what sort of things they can lance on their own bodies in their own homes, and how. I hope to make gobs of money from this and buy a racing sloop and bring the cup back to America, where it belongs.

-A.R. Leith

(* This blog entry is not directed at anyone I know personally...and besides, being made to laugh so hard that you pee in your pants is nothing to be ashamed of. In some cultures it is the ultimate compliment to your host. So keep watching the History channel until you find out what those cultures are and you can silence your co-workers when they become derisive about the broadening damp spot in your trousers.)

p.s.- I may have made most (read "all") of the facts and figures contained in this post up, so don't bother checking.


T-dizzle said...

Nice post. I was entertained as always. I just wanted to let you know that I am part of this blogspot universe now:) Have a great day!


Hilarious.... you know what’s funny? When I went to the gynecologist just last week I was filling out the preliminary questioner on my sexual history and one of the questions was something about "urination leakage". I almost considered putting yes for the simple fact that I have peed in my pants from laughing too hard. But then I thought that it didn’t really constitute a problem so much as a good time. Also, lest we forget that I peed my pant in 7th...yes 7th grade. That I’m blaming on the fact that I have a very small bladder and the school doors were locked. I ended out riding the bus home on my knee so as to not leave a puddle on the seat. Now that I’ve embarrassed myself...


A. R. Leith said...

Lyz, I wouldn't worry about it too much. I've peed in my pants since I started college. It's not that bad really, on a cold night, when the stars are out and you're too drunk to care. Actually it pants froze to my leg. Maybe I shouldn't drink so much.

Lyz said...

Aww Andy when you get back we can pee our pants together. Whether it's cause were waiting for the detention bus or because were too drunk care......pee pee pals unite!