...because you look at them.
Three sources have gone to informing what you are about to read. First, I watch a lot of TV--particularly MTV, because you have to stay on top of what the kids are up to these days (know your enemy and all that rubbish)--so I feel I have a pretty good grasp on who celebrities are. Second, last night I read a very funny article by Chris Nieratko over in the "Skinema" section at Viceland.com which is nearly always brilliant and so off topic it is amazing. Chris was talking about the frailty of ego which is commonly present in celebrities. I concurred. Third, I recently had to research a presentation on the ethics of medical testing on animals. The most depressing part of this research turned out to be the PeTA web site, where a bunch of overpaid crybabies were complaining about how cruel we are to animals. We'll tackle this in depth in a few minutes...or longer, depending on how fast you read.
Okay, first of all, I was watching the "newlyweds" show on the MTV yesterday, and it was great. You know, you get to see how the other half lives (and in this case "other half" refers to those who lead mundane and sterile lives). Ignoring the obvious problems of continuing to call the program "newlyweds" despite the episode in question being about the second anniversary of the LaCheys (sp?) there are other problems with while this show is on the air. Not the least notable of which is that there is not enough Ashlee Simpson on the show. (I swear, she's great as long as you don't let her talk or sing.) But how can America be fascinated with the lives of these here people. First off, I'm fairly certain that they are nearly illiterate...and if not they pretend really well on television. If watching people go through their daily routines (Newlyweds, The Osbornes, Growing up Gotti, etc.) is so interesting, where is my fantastically large check for having people watch me mess up life on a regular basis. I'm sure my trials, tribulations, and miscues with the fairer gender are worth a daytime Emmy at LEAST! Let alone the fact that I seem not to have a filter between my brain and mouth, which makes for some veeeery uncomfortable situations. So is the only thing that is separating me from these people, and leading a fabulous life the fact that I am less good looking and more articulate? It could be. Baybe it is because all the people on these shows have love interests, where I am hopelessly confused by women. Although I think the latter is more interesting, if more lonely and irritating for the sufferer...Me. But whatever, that's just problem one.
Problem two for our purposes is that of Celebrity Activists. First and foremost celebrities (for the most part) are overpaid--severely overpaid--for the services that they provide to society. This problem is compounded when they are unwilling to compromise their overall lifestyle for a cause that they claim to be so "in to". Second how do so many celebrities deem PeTA to be the most worthy group to back in the known world. Primarily their backing of this organization kind of makes them a traitor to their species by not thinking about all the dying children and other humans around the world. Okay, I understand that there have to be more ethical and humane options to testing cosmetics and other unnecessary products than to use animal testing, but the children are our future. When did a bunny ever grow up to support you while you were in the old age home? Reversing Evolution is not really the answer to making the world a better place. Mostly it just makes people with expendable incomes feel better about themselves. Speaking of expendable incomes how can famous people defend their lifestyles when thousands of people are starving in the same cities where these movie stars, athletes, etc. are living? My suggestion is to just ignore celebrities until they go away. If a person makes a movie that sucks, take them off the artistic role call. Don't support their efforts anymore. Hopefully they'll go broke, and then if they truly believe in their chosen issues they'll KEEP fighting for them. The same goes for "sports stars", if they really love the game they play, they'll play it for a nominal salary in the city where they grew up, for pride and a love of competition...otherwise they are just greedy transient millionaires who do not deserve our respect, let alone our adoration.
Finally, as Nieratko points out, celebrities need to toughen up. You cannot put yourself on a global stage only to cry "poor me" every time someone says something remotely emotionally damaging about you. I grant that celebs can fight with poparazzi if they so desire, but I also would not mind if it turned into a brawl and teeth were lost and bruises received on both sides of the lens. Grow up, and have the strength of convictions to be who you are, for better or for worse. As they say in Vice, sometimes the most attractive person is the one who is cute, and can walk into a room with peanut butter on his/her face and still give you a look that says "what? Dick!"...own up to your faults and flaws, accept them and move on. It will mean less tears in the long run. That's for everyone, not just "famous" people.
Thank you, and good night!
p.s.- The Cubs traded Sosa and I'm glad. If they somehow figured out a way to trade someone for Harry Carey, that would be fine too. Things can get better every day.
p.p.s.- I also wanted to add a suggestion for another band worth hearing, and that is the Tossers, they're on thick records, and if you like Celtic rock, and angry political music, buy every one of their CDs. Woot.